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Submitted on
April 3, 2013
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M8 Main Mission Artifact Rewards by purplekecleon M8 Main Mission Artifact Rewards by purplekecleon
Ah, merchants. I can appreciate the capitalist philosophy: avoiding the tough ethical questions by picking the answers with the largest price tags attached. In that spirit, please feel free to take one of these invaluable items as compensation.

1. Soba refuses to allow this dull vegetable knife in his kitchen, so I'd love for you to take it off of our hands. He claims to have forgotten who gave it to him, which I believe as much as I believe it's for vegetables. Or that it's a knife. Or dull. Please be very careful handling this and... well, I suggest you point it away from anything with structural integrity you'd like to preserve.

Sometimes invokes Guillotine. Careful!

2. Pretty ordinary tongue depressor, but there are a few surprises left in it if you know how to use it right. As an added bonus, I'll throw in this pretty ordinary delicious tonic that's universally considered mouth-wateringly tasty. What's not ordinary is the bottle; it refills itself gradually. Shame the stuff reacts horribly to any attempts at cooking with it, and we never figured out how to make the bottle refill with anything more practical.

Invoke Spit Up and Swallow, respectively.

3. Ah, one of my favorites! How to Organize Books: A Literary Tour-de-Force on the latest Book-Organizing Techniques. Don't worry; I have another signed first-edition print. I don't know what bestowed it with supernatural powers, but it seems to have the ability to inspire drowsiness in any who hear passages read from it.

Invokes Yawn.

4. This item is fan-tastic! Ah-ha-ha-ha. No, it's just a fan. Something's imbued it with the force of a strong gale, though, so avoid pointing it at anyone you'd like to keep in this timezone.

Invokes Whirlwind.

5. Don't tell her, but this is some offensively odoriferous perfume that I desperately need to get out of the castle. I can't take any more Scent-Sational Saturdays. It's supposed to be very relaxing, therapeutic, that sort of thing, but all I can smell is an abandoned flower factory compressed into a convenient travel size.

Invokes Aromatherapy.

6. Ah, this fine masquerade ball mask allows you to duplicate another Pokémon's passive abilities and look astoundingly fashionable besides—the mask changes theme to match who you're copying. Honestly, this is the most useful thing I've got here. I'd appreciate if you'd pick something else so I can keep this.

Invokes Role Play.

7. This jar contains some, ahem, perfectly normal and unimplicative goo which can be... smeared upon one's person to change one into a copy of a nearby Pokémon. All of the target's skills and physical attributes become yours. Alas, the effect wears off quickly, its duration is shortened yet further with larger transformations, and the goo can't be reused. Given that inconvenience and the difficulty of acquiring more, I've, ah, rarely had occasion to use it myself.

Invokes Transform. Transformation is temporary. One use only.

8. Here I have a canister which can restore minor damage to everyday objects. A berry with only a few bites taken out of it, say, will be replaced with an entire new berry. As with many mystical items, there's a fascinating story behind this, but I'm sure you have better things to do with your time than hear me tell it. I do hate to part with it, as I use it to remove creases from improperly folded paper, but it seems a fitting reward.

Invokes Recycle.

9. This is a nest. If you're a bird, you might like to nestle in it. If you're not a bird, I'm not going to stop you, but your parents will start to wonder just where they went wrong. He was such a good boy, they'll tell each other, tearing up the birthday card they'd bought for you. Such a good boy.

Invokes Roost.

10. It's unclear who originally owned these stakes; virtually anyone in the castle is a likely suspect. They have an uncanny knack for balancing pleasure with pain, which unfortunately makes them unsuitable for their intended use. Perhaps you can find a novel way to use their unusual properties.

Invokes Pain Split.

Rescuers. So proud and noble. Unlike the greedy merchants over whom you claim the moral high ground, you're willing to do what's right without expecting so much as a pat on the back. Good for you.

Most of you, anyway. Some of you caught wind that I'd offered the same job to the merchants for a handsome reward. Some of you grumbled about how unfair that was, to be offered exactly what you ask for.

Well, never fear! I have plumbed the depths of my unfathomable intellect to find the perfect companion for your guild. It's tall, spindly, and yellow. It'll go flimsy at the slightest touch and can hardly stand up to any external force whatsoever. Left to its own devices, most anyone would agree that it'll sit there and do absolutely nothing whatsoever, though it may register as a minor inconvenience when wielded and used to harass someone else. And it has a very hard time staying straight.

But enough about your illustrious leader; let's hear about the reward! You have your choice of any of this foam water noodle, which does nothing. It comes in a wide range of colors, from insufferable saffron to chafing-my-ass chiffon to apathetic aureolin. I hope it's just as useful to you as you have been to me.

Invokes Splash.


Hello Rogues!

I’ve recently come to understand that it’s hard to be convincing to many of you in helping me to reclaim what is rightfully mine. It seems that a great deal of you have sympathy for the Breloom who’s only proven to leave when the times get difficult. What a shame! I had some lovely rewards were you to complete and succeed at my simple task!

Oh... you’re listening now? That’s great! That’s really great! Let me briefly explain what they each do. And no, I cannot bestow these upon you until you’ve actually helped me successfully. What type of reward would it be if you failed my mission and still got the prize? That’s just not very economical for me.

1. This is a swirly pendant! I really like it, but it makes me dizzy if I look at it for too long. It’s a great distraction if you want to pull punches because your opponent won’t be able to stop staring at it! It’ll confuse the heck out of them, you know? A simple, yet effective item!

Invokes Dizzy Punch.

2. This... this is, um, actually really rare. But I figured I’d put out my best rewards I have to offer... and it’s not like I have any use for this, um, anymore. It’s a very, very special tea--a life tea!--but it’s diluted. Even the container is rare, a special thermos. The tea will cure many diseases and heal wounds at an incredible speed, but since it’s diluted, it doesn’t work as well as it used to. Beware though: if you take the cap off, the effects will diminish rapidly! Can only be used once.

Invokes Recover and restores defects.

3. Ah, this! My lucky coin. It’s got a Kecleon head on both sides!, no, I wouldn’t use it to cheat! I mean, it’s not like anyone needs to know there’s no tails if they don’t ask, right? And if they bet tails without looking at the coin, that’s not really my fault. I’m sure you can find a use for it...

Invokes Nasty Plot.

4. My lovely mirror! Oh, gosh, I don’t want to part with this either! It’s really neat, though. Just make someone else look into it for a moment, then gaze into it yourself. Suddenly you’ll find you’re able to perfectly mimic some crucial aspect of that Pokemon for a brief time. It’s so useful when making business deals where I just don’t understand the other Pokemon. We become somewhat linked, you know?

Invokes Role Play.

5. A... creepy doll. This was Paya-- this was a doll around my house. It follows me around randomly sometimes, and I feel like it stares at me. I just don’t get it. I’d really rather do without it. She always would pull some weird trick where a doll would be in her place... I don’t know how she did that. Is that just a teleportation trick...? Well, whatever. I’m sure if you take this doll, you’ll understand how to pull off the move if you keep an eye on it long enough.

Invokes Substitute.

6. This is what I like to call a “Tricky Band”! It’s great if you’re a weaker Pokemon and have to rely on your wits to win fights! You can trip your opponent, use it to catapult rocks, use it to fling them around... hee hee! All sorts of neat tricks can be pulled off with this handy band. It’s extremely resilient, so don’t worry about it breaking.

Invokes Foul Play.

7. Oh, my broken megaphone... what is this doing h- ah, I mean, it’s a rather fantastic artifact. You simply yell into it, and the piercing sound utterly destroys the ears of any listeners for a brief time, causing them to hold their head in pain for a while, lowering their defense. It doesn’t quite work on Pokemon without ears though, suffice to say. Sorry.

Invokes Screech.

8. This is a vine you have to seek out in the nearby forest. It likes to strangle trees if left to its own devices. I like to pick the flowers I wear from this particular vine! They’re lovely and smell nice. Oh, um, the vine itself is good at binding things - it naturally tries to wrap itself around Pokemon, despite being away from any tree. It likes to suck life from them, too. As long as you keep feeding it, it’ll keep living. It’s also a tasty snack!

Invokes Bind when used and Leech Life when nibbled.

9. Did you know I’m an aspiring author as well?! I thought not! I’ll give you a copy of my latest book as a reward, if you’d like! Signed, first edition. It’s an erotic romance novel called “50 Shades of Kecleon” and surely reading the correct passage will be enough to fluster and embarrass anyone you’re dealing with! Hee hee hee!

Invokes Attract.

10. A lucky coin indeed! Whenever I carry this, money seems to appear out of nowhere. I don’t really need it anymore... well, I mean, more money is always nice but... I’ll have Tao soon enough. I don’t need to worry about tiny change. You might have a use for it though!

Invokes Payday.

11. This is a powerful little polished rock! A pretty gem... I love it, I really love it! When I hold it, sometimes it becomes really bright. It actually kind of hurts. ...well, as it turns out, I don’t actually know how it works. I think you can use it to attack others.

Invokes Power Gem.

12. Last, but not least, one of those weird “Light Bulbs” the King’s Rock Casino started using. This one’s really bright though, and not like the ones we’ve started to use in our homes here. This one really stings your eyes and makes it hard to see anything at all for a while! It’s good to use to make getaways, provided your enemy can see to begin with. I don’t think it would work on say, a Zubat or Deino...

Invokes Flash.


Oh man, seriously? You’re going to hold me up to look at these stupid items? We NEED to save Gunpowder, guys. SERIOUSLY.

1. This is just a skull. Who cares? Let’s go.

Invokes Skull Bash.

2. ...and that’s just a bone. A curved bone. Why are we still here?

Invokes Bonemerang.

3. It’s just spewing sand! Why would you want that?! Come on, we need to get going!

Invokes Sandstorm.

4. A fancy bone, wow, real special! Definitely worth stalling and not saving Gunpowder! NOT.

Protects against Earthquake in a small radius when in the ground, invokes Fissure when removed.


Invokes Sand Attack.

6. What is this, a candle or incense or something?! This is NOT WORTH OUR TIME.

Invokes Hex and Torment.

7. That’s the creepiest doll I’ve ever seen. Don’t take that. Seriously. What. LET’S GO.

Invokes Substitute and Curse when used.

8. Really. Some crumbly old tablet...? UGH! GLAD TO SEE MY OLD GUILDEES HAVE SUCH GOOD PRIORITIES.

Invokes Ancientpower.

9. Bone needles, fantastic! While you’re busy taking your pick and making yourself look like a greedy Merchant, I’m going to be saving Gunpowder. Ciao.
Invokes Shadow Tag when the needles are placed in the shadows of two or more Pokemon.


Add a Comment:
SonicbolttheLatios Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
"about as useful to you as your leader was to me" ROFL he's such a jerk~
Pfaccioxx Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2013   General Artist
Lexy's Noodle made me lol
Lexy Y U such an ass? XD
powerofmu Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013
I chose the dull knife, so I can sharpen it! XD
droppedmuffin Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013
Five, ten and eleven are all tempting me, but I am curious about number four... Where would that mirror lead?
Lily-Lyn-Rain Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Okay, so long as I get my M8 into the late folder, I'll be able to get one of these still, yes? I just want to check as I really want that "fancy bone" for my Gram.
katdrawings Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013
I have a quesitin...are there other dolls then the meowth?
Meemie7 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So, is this prize for participation or for the winner?
kimchichu Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013
...fifty shades of kecleon XD
Poul-The-Fox Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The artifacs only use once? and then is removed from the team?
drakke148 Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Only if that is specified on the artifact's description, otherwise is "use all you want"
Add a Comment: