"Hurry up, hurry up! I don’t have all day! Can’t you hurry up? Sit down. No, no, close the door first! Have some sense, will you? God, I’m tired of everyone being unable to do things on their own. Can’t fill this paperwork out yourself? Have to get me to do it for you? Agh! I tire of this pen. I tire of these papers. I tire of this office! I want out! This office is a cage, a prison, an oubliette!
"Stop staring. Unless that’s an invitation to fight? A duel? That what you want? I would love nothing more than to destroy you here, but I can’t risk damaging this office or the embassy. Consider yourself lucky. I can snap a pencil in half with just a look. Won’t take much creativity on my behalf to imagine you as a writing implement. Know what I mean? Yeah, yeah you do.
"I’m real good at bending things, too. See these papers? They’re your citizenship forms. I can bend and fold these things into all sorts of shapes. Maybe I can pretend they’re you while I do it. I can make a paper plane, you know? If I throw it just right, it flies. Think you would fly if I threw you, too? Maybe we can find out some other day. I don’t think you would, though. You look way too clunky. Not aerodynamic at all. Too landbased.
"I guess I’ll start filling out your forms. You’ll have to be content with all the folds. I unfolded them as best I could, but once a paper plane, always a paper plane in heart. Maybe I’ll try to glide it over to the filing cabinet after we’re done, and if it makes it in, it’s fate that you should be a citizen. Not one to leave things to fate? Fine. I’ll just walk it over and gently place it in. You owe me, though. Mayor says we’re just here to process your paperwork, and she didn’t give us any further guidelines, but screw that. Make it worth my while.
"I don’t care how strong you are or aren’t. I want something to brighten up this dreary god damned existence. I don’t care about all your past troubles and trials, and I don’t care how far you’ve traveled just to be here. I’m sure Mew York is very flattered you chose it. But right now it’s just you and me and this small room.
"Either give me something to battle you in while I fill these out, or tell me a story. Story about fighting. I don’t care what it is or what you tell me about. Arm wrestle, thumb war, mercy, slapjack, anything. Tell me about how the school bully pushed you down and made you eat a dirt pie. Tell me about how you pushed the school bully down and made him eat a dirt pie. A bar fight. A war, a battle, a skirmish, a scrimmage, a video game. Something with action!
"I’m done with your papers, and you’re done being in my office. If you ever visit National Port of Owel, stop by its civic center. We’ll get some donuts or something. But don’t be boring. God, being bored just makes me want to scream."